Tales from the Morgue: The Desert Museum's talented George L. Mountainlion

George Mountainlion Balks Broadcasters
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Literate Lion Delights In Upsetting Men at Microphone

By GEORGE L. MOUNTAINLION
Research Associate in Human Behavior
Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum

The fact that I am the only Mountain Lion who writes newspaper stories makes me feel my responsibility deeply. That is why I worried when I heard that a man named Joe McCarthy was in Tucson. I was afraid that he might get after me if he heard that I like red meat. A lion can't be too careful these days.

One day last week I had a wonderful opportunity to confuse several humans and I took full advantage of it. They wanted to interview me on a microphone and use the recording for broadcasting purposes on a local radio station. I heard a commotion near the door to my enclosure and when I looked through the grating, I saw some men with a lot of equipment entering the cage next to mine. I watched the proceedings with interest.

So Earnest

Humans never cease to amuse me. They are so earnest about what they do. You would think that the weight of the world was always upon them. There was a lot of snake-like electric cable all over the place and a little box with two wheels. One of the men had a round object which he called a "mike." He held this in his hand and spoke into it. Nobody ever answered but he kept right on talking anyway, a thing humans seem to like to do. I came over to the bars that separate the two cages and watched and listened as closely as I could.

All at once the man with the "mike" approached me and said, "now we will hear from George directly. Let's hear you purr, George!" That was rather silly for I had been purring right along. So I stopped purring and wandered off across the enclosure. The man said, "There he goes. He will be back in a moment — here he comes — no — there he goes again."

I just strolled around and pretended that the whole thing didn't interest me. The man said, "I told you we could never get him to come in on cue." Then they shut off the machine and right away I ame back to the bars and commenced to purr again. I also gave a few of my special 'meows' for good measure. The man seemed upset and said, "Now he does it!" It's just hard to please some people.

"Let's try again," he said. They turned on the machine and the talking began once more. Then the man said, "Come on now George, let's hear from you," I decided to cross them up again. I had spied a great big butterfly in the front of my cage. It was one of those brightly colored ones I often see from a distance but this one was sitting right on the wire. I got up and left the man so I could examine the butterfly. After all, I can see people any time.

This action on my part made the would-be broadcasters very unhappy all over again. "He just won't co-operate," said the man who held the "mike."

At this point, my special friend, Floyd Miller, who looks after me at the museum, said, "I tell you what let's do. Let's get Elsie and bring her here. George has heard quite a bit about her but he's never seen her. That may start some sounds going and we may be able to record them."

Elsie Arrives

After a few minutes, Miller appeared with Elsie. She was on a leash. Elsie is a pint-sized mountain lion and, if you ask me, she is a brat, at least at this stage. I have heard humans say that woman is a mystery, and believe me, female lions are too as far as I'm concerned. That little lion took one look at me and crouched down on the floor. She flattened her ears and commenced to spit, snarl, growl and squall at me. This pleased the broadcasters. They placed their microphone near the infant and recorded everything she had to say.

I gave her a friendly look but it didn't do any good. She will have to grow up and get some sense before I'll have anything to do with her again. She's pretty, to be sure, with large brown eyes and a very graceful way of moving about. She is losing her spots, which all mountain lion cubs have when they are born. But she will have to lose that disposition of hers, as well as her spots, if they ever expect her to be a mate for me.

Finally the broadcasters went away but not before I had decided to purr into the "mike" for them and to make some other sounds too.