The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer:
In spite of last Saturday’s political heartburn, I returned to the Arroyo Cafe.
Professor Hydro, Tucson’s preeminent water expert, has returned to answer more excellent questions from concerned readers about water. I hope you enjoy his thoughtful responses.
Dr. Hydro-
Will Glen Canyon Dam stop generating power?
Ever Ready
Yup and I’ve got some bad news and some good news.
The bad news is the Trump team won in Arizona.
The good news is Republican Sens. Barry Goldwater and John McCain are generating enough electricity spinning in their graves to power Phoenix, Tucson and Vegas for a millennia.
People are also reading…
Doc H-
If next winter’s snow pack in the Rockies fails to replenish the West’s reservoirs what will happen?
Frosty
Tucson will spend its $150 million surplus on 1 million rain barrels. And one really big 250-square mile shade sail. And Hydro Flasks will sell like smartphones...
Dr. Hydro-
Did you see the rain the other night here? What water shortage?
Buckets
Tucson’s great rainwater harvesting sage, Brad Lancaster, tells us enough rain falls annually to supply our current population with its water needs. We should harvest every last squandered drop, but, as they say in Havasu, that idea is just “Water under the London bridge.”
Hydro dude-
Why is Arizona bearing the brunt of the cuts? An average California family uses 1.5 acre feet of water every year! That doesn’t include aromatherapy steamers, aura misters and vibe baths!
Dude
Every dude will have to give up something, dude. No dude will escape the fact all dudes will have to adapt. Dude.
Howdy, Hydro-
The western states will have to cut their usage by 2 to 4 million acre-feet. How much water is that?
Swigging It
Arizona, California, Colorado, Nevada, New Mexico, Utah and Wyoming will have to give up an amount of water equal to Arizona’s entire annual gulp.
Dr. Hydro-
Why aren’t scientists working on breeding a race of humans that have water storing humps like camels?
Genius
Camels do not store water in their humps. They store fat in their humps. Just like our lawmakers. They store their fat where their brains would normally be.
Doc Hydro-
What are some other water sources Arizona’s looking at?
Parched
Gov. Ducey’s stream of consciousness.
Dr. Hydro-
Today Arizonans love to tell visitors, “but it’s a dry heat.” What’ll we tell them 10 years from now?
Tor
“Reach for the sky, city slicker. Your water bottle or your life.”
Dr, Hydro-
I’ll never give up golf!
Putter
Get used to playing 18-holes of “Sand Trap”.
Hi-
How many people draw water from the Colorado River?
Curious
Only one cartoonist draws water from the Colorado and not that well. About 40 million in the West guzzle the rest.
Dear Hydro-
I heard water is measured in acre feet. What is an acre foot?
Archimedes
An “acre foot” of water covers an acre of land 1-foot deep. That’s 12 times deeper than Kari Lake. That’s about 326,000 gallons which is how many gallons of Trump Kool Aid the average candidate running in this current race consumes every day.
Dr. Hydro-
Is the Central Arizona Project the main source of Tucson’s drinking supply?
Old Dan
Second only to Tequila.
Doc Hydro-
We can’t keep growing forever. What’s the answer?
Worried Sick
Yes, we can. Our current leadership has thought it through. Experts tell us if we keep growing we’ll all be in hot water. If we can cool that hot water it will be drinkable and we can all prosper leading tours of our vast metropolitan ghost towns in the decades ahead.
Dr. Hydro-
Building more water cooled microchip factories will be great for our growing state, right?
Geek
Google, “gnawing on agaves for water.”
Dr. Hydro-
Groundwater wells are all over Arizona. What if every Arizonan dug a well and tapped into our own groundwater?
Thirsty
Thousands of us are drilling into our aquifers and sucking them dry. The amount of water under us is limited. Like your ability to think.
Doc Hydro-
What’s the best way to deliver water to crops?
Green Jeans
Drip-irrigation. If we want food on our table we’d best help farmers cover the cost of transitioning from inefficient water delivery systems. Draft every Urologist in Arizona. They have successfully used drip-irrigation for years to treat prostate issues.
Professor-
Water harvesting sounds cool. Will I one day see flying tractors pulling hundreds of buckets across the clouds?
Leary
Will I one day see you give up mushrooms?
Professor Hydro-
Is Arizona in the bull’s eye of climate change?
Concerned
Does rain evaporate? Do Tucsonans kill each other over shady parking spaces? Will Phoenix mutants march on Tucson for our banked water? On the bright side, it’s going to get so dry you’ll be grateful when someone like me dampens your expectations. Enjoy the rain.
