Don't ask me who's going to win the Super Bowl. In fact, the same applies for the Oscars, Emmys and the tamale contest at the Tucson Tamale and Heritage Festival.
You see, I picked my playoff teams at the beginning of the season. You probably did, too, but mine were in print, which means they were archived for all to see, and mock.
The Vikings going to the Super Bowl? Yup, that was me. The Chiefs, Jets and Ravens making the playoffs on the AFC side? Uh-huh.
And my NFC playoff teams were the Vikings, Panthers, Rams, Falcons, Cardinals and Eagles. If you're keeping score, only one of those teams — the Panthers — got into the postseason tournament.
That's 1 for 6 — below the Mendoza line, a percentage lower than Paris Hilton's body fat, Richard Kovalcheck's completion rate and Tucson's relative humidity.
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There are 10 teams in each conference that don't make the playoffs. I had half those teams making the postseason. That, right there, is difficult.
I called the Bears one of the worst franchises in football and said they'd go 4-12. They're now maybe the hottest team in football.
I also finished last out of four in the Arizona Daily Star's staff picks.
That said, here are my predictions for the rest of the football season.
You've been warned.
● MVP: Tom Brady, New England Patriots
Sure, Shaun Alexander and Tiki Barber are the trendy picks here. But Brady's had his best season at a time when his team needed it most.
Brady finished the regular season as the NFL's passing-yards leader, completing 334 of 530 passes for 4,110 yards, 26 scores and 14 interceptions.
He did it without a running game. Corey Dillon had only 733 yards in 12 games this year, 902 fewer yards than he had last season.
He did with a beat-up defense, a unit that played without Rodney Harrison for the entire season and Tedy Bruschi for half of it. He also did it with receivers whom most of us wouldn't recognize unless they did one of those Visa commercials.
If Brett Favre put up those numbers and finished 10-6, he'd be canonized. But Brady, with his leading-man looks, Super Bowl MVPs and stunning girlfriend, never seems to get the respect he deserves.
The rest of us are just jealous.
● Best play (tie): Nathan Vasher's field-goal return and Doug Flutie's drop-kick extra point.
Baseball nuts always say you can watch a game and see something you've never seen before. But consider this: Flutie's drop-kicked extra point Sunday was the first the league had seen since 1941, when the Pats' backup quarterback was 22 years old.
Vasher's 108-yard return of Joe Nedney's field goal on Nov. 13 was the longest touchdown in NFL history, eclipsing a 107-yard field-goal attempt return by former UA star Chris McAlister in 2002.
● Surest Super Bowl-week bet: Terrell Owens showing up on my television.
Every year, the worst week in sports journalism is the dead week between the conference-title games and the Super Bowl. This year, that open Sunday is Jan. 29. Make a note to stay away from the TV that day.
Is there any doubt the disgruntled T.O. will do some kind of emotional interview that week? Is there any doubt his greasy agent, Drew Rosenhaus, will be peddling him to every sports network? T.O., a free agent after the season, needs to do some P.R. work.
I'll stay away; I was tired of Owens' act after Week 1, much less Week 21.
● Best former Wildcat: Bruschi.
Bears linebacker Lance Briggs had a career year, being named to the Pro Bowl for the first time in his career and being one of the anchors of the best defense the NFL has seen in years.
But there are good years, and then there's health and happiness. Bruschi's got all of us beat.
● Super Bowl matchup: Colts vs. Bears.
This needs to happen for two reasons. First, it would match the league's greatest offense against its most feared defense, a cerebral quarterback against one of the few defensive lines that can knock him stupid.
And secondly, the game would make the NFL squirm. Rule No. 1 of the ratings game is that the two teams in the Super Bowl need to be from different regions of the country; there's more advertising coverage that way.
To see Chicago play Indianapolis would undoubtedly drive East Coast-centric advertisers, and the league, mad. The fact there are no California teams and only one New York team in the playoffs doesn't help, either.
And I'd bet on the Colts beating the Bears 20-9 with Peyton Manning being named MVP.
Then again, I thought the green chile tamales would win, so what do I know?
