Plaza Liquors, a Tucson institution, sells 137 tequilas at its Campbell Avenue store. We picked 52-year-old Mark Thomson's brain about his experiences with tequila and mescal during his 29 years of owning Plaza Liquors.
Q. What's the biggest misconception people have about tequila?
A. That it has a worm in it. Only mescal does. Also, that it's all too expensive, that it's too harsh. Or that it can be made anywhere.
Q. Why worms?
A. The worm in mescal was originally used to determine the proof of the spirit. If the proof was high enough, then the worm would not break apart. They look for a minimum of 80-proof (40 percent alcohol).
For some reason, that tradition was dropped with tequila.
Q. If you run out of worms, will a grasshopper do?
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A. Actually, we have a tequila with a scorpion in it. It's called Scorpion Mescal ($39 to $63). They just use the exoskeleton — there's no blood and guts to it. I think it just goes against tradition to not use a worm.
Q. Why are certain tequilas so expensive?
A. Generally speaking, it's because of reputation or length of time in oak barrels, and when the demand outstrips the supply. That's been happening with tequila the past few years.
Q. What's your most expensive tequila?
A. Milagro Tequila Romance costs $155 for a fifth. The least-expensive 100 percent agave tequila is Ultimo Agave Tequila Reposado, which costs $18.99 for a fifth.
Q. What's your cheapest?
A. Our cheapest non-100 percent agave is Zapopan at $12.99 a liter. It's a good margarita mix.
Q. How about mescal?
A. I have seven mescals, ranging from $18 to $52.
Q. What makes a tequila tasty and/or smooth?
A. How many times it's distilled, for one, and how long it's been aged.
Q. What's your favorite?
A. Any high-end tequila that's on sale. Hornitos ($25.99) is my best-value tequila.
Q. Explain agave.
A. It's the cactus that they use to make tequila. They chop all the arms off and roast all the piña, which is the fruit of the plant. Tequila is made from blue agave. The ones you see around town aren't the same thing.
Q. Are you a personal friend of Jose Cuervo?
A. I've actually hallucinated Jose Cuervo when I've had too many margaritas. He's vengeful.
Q. Who would win in a bar fight: Jose Cuervo or Don Julio?
A. Don Julio, because Jose Cuervo is much older.
Q. Is a tequila monster more dangerous than a Gila monster?
A. Only the next morning.
Q. Is the saying "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor" accurate?
A. When you end up on the floor, I think it's accurate.
Q. Is it true that eating the worm will kill you?
A. No, but it's not going to make you feel like you're really alive. I have eaten the worm one time, and once was enough.
Q. Why does everyone seem to have a "tequila story"?
A. It's very easy to get carried away with margaritas because they taste so good, and before you know it, you've got a story on your hands the next day.
Q. Which is more difficult: to shoot a wild duck or tequila mockingbird?
A. That's out of my field here. I'm not a hunter.
Q. Do any of the major brands have a celebrity spokesworm?
A. Well, if you want to say that Jimmy Buffett is a worm, then yes, he does Margaritaville Tequila. Or if you think Sammy Hagar is a worm, then he does Cabo Wabo.
Q. Isn't it actually the lime and the salt that really give margaritas their kick?
A. Actually, those are the elements that try to reduce their kick.
Q. Do most men actually prefer tequilo — the masculine version?
A. Well, now you're talking Spanish semantics.
