Stay-at-home dads feel the heat

More than 20 years after Lennon's death in 1980, Humphreys took inspiration from how the famous singer cared for his second child, Sean, by being a stay-at-home father.

"I was totally open to the idea of being the primary caregiver," Humphreys said. "I guess I see it as part of an overall societal shift."

There has been a shift in recent decades, but not a big one. According to recently released U.S. Census Bureau data, the number of stay-at-home fathers has nearly doubled since 1994, but still accounts for a tiny fraction of all stay-at-home parents. (In numbers, that translates to 76,000 stay-at-home fathers nationwide in 1994 and 140,000 in 2008.)

In comparison, there were 5.3 million stay-at-home mothers in 2008, and nearly one-fourth of all married couple families nationwide had a stay-at-home mother.

Humphreys is working again in marketing, but cherishes the three years spent with his daughter, Amrita, who is now 6.

"I have no regrets. It was one of the best experiences of my life," he said. "It interrupted my career, but that doesn't seem to have had any real lasting impact."

A recent CareerBuilder survey shows 31 percent of the working fathers surveyed would leave their jobs if their spouses could support the family, and 30 percent of the nearly 800 men questioned would take a pay cut to have more time with their children.

Humphreys, 51, is now divorced from Amrita's mother and has remarried. He and his wife, Judy, are expecting a child in February. This time, the roles are reversed.

"I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and he said he thought I should have that experience," said Judy Humphreys, 35. "It works out really beautifully for us, and we're fortunate his job allows for this as well."

Judy plans to return to her teaching career at some point, but for now is committed to being home. She's grateful her spouse knows firsthand what it's like to care for an infant or child for hours on end.

Humphreys said he does have a strong appreciation for both how wonderful and how hard it can be staying home all day with a baby or small child. He said he found the difficult aspects even more challenging because it wasn't easy to meet other stay-at-home fathers.

"And people look at you differently because you're a stay-at-home dad," he said. "It gave me an insight into how undervalued child-rearing and child care is."

He said often the perception was that he wasn't doing anything.

"That was strange to me because my job was really clear to me and it was a 24-hour-a-day job," he said. "I think that perception is held only by people who have never done full-time child care."

Matthew Taleck said staying at home as his wife Kristen's medical career unfolded was an obvious choice.

"For me, the difficult part is the not-going-to-work part," he said of caring for their two daughters, Lilian, 6, and Ilona, 4. "The whole stay-at-home part was a no-brainer."

Talented with tools, Taleck, 38, has found many odd jobs to do over the years, including extensive work on his family's home. But side jobs and home remodeling aren't part of his bigger dreams. He'd like to open a pottery studio one day. For now, though, with his wife working long hours as a family doctor, the girls remain his focus.

"There is a big risk of getting lost, and I definitely suffer from that, from getting lost from where you want to be and what you want to do outside of this job," he said.

For Humphreys, the response was mixed when he first re-entered the work force after three years at home. He found he wasn't always comfortable saying he'd been a stay-at-home parent.

"What I experienced is what any woman would experience," he said. "The view was that you didn't do much but take care of a kid for three years, and how hard is that?"

Contact reporter Patty Machelor at 235-0308 or pmachelor@azstarnet.com.