After a discussion with a friend who was upset about having to cancel a vacation to do something expected of her, I received the following quote in an email:
“How hurtful it can be to deny one’s true self and live a life of lies just to appease others.”
— June Ahern
How many times in life do we act upon what we think we “should” do rather than listen to our hearts or follow our instincts? How many “obligations” do we fulfill while hating every moment?
The subject my friend and I were discussing was attending a funeral. In my opinion, memorial services and funerals give the family closure. Whether to attend this type of service or not is a personal decision. My friend thought it imperative that she attend to avoid being outcast by the family, even though she had plans to be out of town at the time of the service.
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“I don’t think you will be punished,” I said. “Since you visited this great aunt, brought her treats, and helped her while she was alive, you’ve done your duty. If you’d rather keep your memories of this fine lady in your heart, you don’t need to attend the funeral because you ‘have’ to. I doubt anyone will care.”
Her response was, “You’re unusual, Alexis. You rarely do things you don’t want to do.”
What she said is true. Although I’m not sure how it started, at a young age, I began a life of honesty to myself. If someone invited me somewhere I did not want to go, I refused. Or I accepted and then canceled.
Have I made mistakes in judgment? You betcha. But did the world stop turning? Not yet.
When does one cross the line from accepting responsibility to being “true to thine own self”? If I had the answer, I’d be a university professor.
During the 1970s, several books were written advising our generation to take control of our lives. Many of us attended EST or similar seminars. Lifespring is the one I attended. It was there I learned to honor my commitments. From there it was a hop, skip and jump to not commit to anything I was not wholeheartedly going to participate in. Better to say at the outset that I couldn’t attend rather than accept and then cancel.
In the end, my friend was relieved from making the decision. Her mother-in-law encouraged her to go on the much-needed vacation, reasoning that the funeral would be well-attended without her presence. Kudos to the wise mother-in-law!
There are too many sentences that begin with “You really should,” “What will people think?” or “What will your friends say?”
“Pshaw” to all of that is what I say!
Alexis Powers is the author of several books and lives on the northwest side. Email her at northwest@azstarnet.com or view her website at www.alexis-powers.com
