Q: I am a high achiever who is struggling to find a new job. I thought it would be easy. I’ve found it very challenging. I am embarrassed that I haven’t found anything yet. And mad at myself for having negative thoughts. I am usually very positive and productive, but this time around, my job search is giving me a crisis of confidence. What should I do? — Norah
A: Your situation reminds me of Sonya, a high-achieving professional struggling with a similar issue. Over her 20-plus-year career, she built an impressive track record. She was the ultimate “fixer,” someone who could solve any problem. Her vast network constantly relied on her expertise and support.
However, when it came time for Sonya to make a career pivot and reach out to that same network for help, she was met with ... silence. This phenomenon is something I’ve seen many times — the lonely high achiever paradox.
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There are two main reasons behind this:
Perceived inadequacy: Most people in your network may feel that they can’t be helpful to you. They think, “Norah is operating at such an elite level, how could my advice or assistance be valuable to her?”
Effortless success perception: Over the years, you’ve made your achievements look almost effortless. So, your network assumes you’ll naturally “figure this out, too,” like you always do.
This leads to an isolating experience.
The first step is to find your tribe — that subset of individuals who can truly understand and relate to your experiences as a high achiever. Have open and honest conversations. This will give you the strength to re-engage your broader network in a way that compels them to help.
You can’t just directly ask your network for help because, as mentioned, they assume you’ve got this covered. Instead, you need to share specific ways they can support you.
For instance, you could say, “I’m looking for introductions to people in (specific industry or company)” or “could you review my résumé for keywords?”
Share your strategic approach to job searching. Explain that the market has changed and so have job search techniques. This might include back-channeling or leveraging LinkedIn more effectively.
J.T. O’Donnell is the founder and CEO of the job search career coaching platform Work It Daily. She is on a mission to help workers of all ages find career success. Visit workitdaily.com to submit your questions.
