got advice?

While you prattle on, it seems that the aforementioned psychologist is analyzing your questions and evaluating your behavior.

The first words out of Kevin Leman's mouth were in the form of a question.

"Are you the oldest in your family?" he asked before sitting down for a recent breakfast at Blue Willow Restaurant.

"I'm an only child," I replied.

"Yes," he said, nodding his head and pulling out a copy of his book "The First Born Advantage."

Leman then reeled off statistics about careers being linked to birth order and said a high percentage of journalists are first-born and only children.

You might say he read me like a book.

The 66-year-old has penned 37 tomes on topics ranging from disciplining toddlers and adolescents to people pleasing and intimacy in marriage.

His most recent is "Have a New Husband by Friday: How to Change His Attitudes, Behavior and Communication in Five Days" (Baker Publishing, $18).

Besides his books, Leman is regarded by many TV and radio hosts as the go-to guy for relationship, family and parenting advice. He logs airtime almost daily, including appearances on CNN, "Today" and "Oprah."

The most common questions he hears?

"They want to know what to do with their obnoxious 9-year-old or the 17-year-old that rolls his eyes," said the University of Arizona graduate, who's known on the advice circuit as Dr. Leman.

"You give me a problem with a family, I know how to get there," said Leman, who retired from private practice about five years ago.

Over a ham and cheese omelet, Leman emerged as a disarming, genial man who's quick with a joke and loves to talk in tangents.

The self-described retro man affectionately calls his wife, Sande, Mrs. Uppington because "she's classy," and he spoke of meeting her when he was a janitor at Tucson Medical Center.

Their 42-year marriage has spawned four daughters and a son who range in age from 17 to 37. Most live in the area, except son Kevin, who writes for "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" in California.

"We're a very close family," he said. "We live simply by design."

"Simply," as in Leman owns three 2001 Sebring convertibles, one of which stays at his New York home, where he lives over the summer. Leman originally hails from Williamsville, N.Y.

So, why the Sebring?

"No. 1, I'm a fat guy," he said. "Being a big guy, I like big convertibles."

The "fat guy" part is up for debate, but Leman also likes antiquing, and he has collected a couple hundred Planters jars.

One colleague in town, Alice Steinfeld, is a Leman fan.

"I think he's great," said Steinfeld, a psychotherapist in private practice with an education background. "He is upfront in his advice. I think he's reasonable; he's very realistic. He brings humor and warmth to his style and his relationships.

"I think one of his many strengths is his ability to hear everybody in the family," said Steinfeld, 54. "That takes skill."

Leman's also self-deprecating - in a good way.

"If there was a guy who wasn't supposed to make it, you're looking at him," he said. "I grew up poor and in a far less than ideal home - I was the baby. But I knew I was loved."

He peppered his conversation with statements that at first seemed revolutionary but then just made sense. They included: "an unhappy child is a healthy child," "we specialize in arm's-length relationships" and "we live in an era of situational ethics."

To help married folks, he founded an organization called Couples of Promise in the late '90s.

"It's simple. It tries to give materials to people to make them stay married," said Leman, mentioning the annual cruise members take in January, this year's being a seven-day jaunt to Jamaica.

On the flight to the cruise, Leman will be sitting in the front aisle seat in first class to combat claustrophobia.

"That's the only thing that is high-maintenance," he said. "What you see is what you get."

He has hung out with Regis Philbin and Bill Cosby, and if he had his druthers, they'd be his first choices to hang out with again, because he "likes people who are regular people."

He said he came to a realization at age 17.

"I graduated fourth from the bottom in high school," he said. "I was thinking in class one day, 'I'm going to be a good husband. I'm going to be a good father.' "

And that, among many other things, is something he seems to have achieved.

Find tips from these experts on Page E4

Kevin Leman, psychologist, author, relationship and family expert

Contact reporter Valerie Vinyard at vvinyard@azstarnet.com or at 573-4136.