If they had a hall of fame for racist movie caricatures, Mike Myers' turn as Indian-raised Pitka in "The Love Guru" would be an instant shoo-in.
The role would take its place alongside Al Jolson in blackface for "The Jazz Singer," Warner Oland in the Charlie Chan films, Charlton Heston as Roman Miguel Vargas in "Touch of Evil" and just about every American Indian depiction in 1930s-50s Westerns.
Pitka is an American-born orphan raised by an Indian guru to become an acronym-happy charlatan who seeks fortune and fame by writing books and making public appearances.
Jessica Alba, perfectly cast, ahem, as the owner of the NHL's Toronto Maple Leafs, hires Pitka to get inside the head of her star player, Roanoke (Romany Malco), to mend his marriage in time for the finals.
Roanoke's wife (Meagan Good) is dating the opposing team's French-Canadian goalie, played by Justin Timberlake with an accent almost as awful as that of Myers.
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Pitka talks like Apu from "The Simpsons" and is waited upon by a harem of Bollywood dancing girls.
That the concept even advanced beyond the initial stages of studio production, much less somehow managed to ooze its way into theaters, is a testament to Myers' cachet as one of the top comics of the 1990s.
The only explanation for the film is Myers was surrounded by yes-men who fake-laughed at all the bad ideas in the script he co-wrote with Graham Gordy.
Myers' last live-action role was the despised "The Cat in the Hat" (2003), which seemingly left him nowhere to go but up. After half a decade in hiding, surely he'd be able to come up with another character that would redeem his spot in the upper echelon of funnymen.
But no. If "The Cat in the Hat" was rock bottom, the bottom has now dropped out. "The Love Guru" is a despicable free-fall into slopstick.
Even worse, it appears Myers has no new ideas. Pitka isn't so much an original creation as a Frankensteining of his previous roles.
He's got the grin of Wayne from "Wayne's World," the overconfidence of Austin Powers and the speech rhythm of Shrek.
The hiatus wasn't enough. Maybe this time Myers should take 10 years off.
Review
The Love Guru
*
• Rated: PG-13 for crude and sexual content throughout, language, some comic violence and drug references.
• Cast: Mike Myers, Jessica Alba, Justin Timberlake, Romany Malco.
• Director: Marco Schnabel.
• Family call: Not for anyone.
• Running time: 88 minutes.
