Dear Kid Whisperer,
My 12-year-old struggles with boredom. She is very smart, and when she’s not stimulated, she gets bored very easily. When she’s not on her tablet, she’s basically bored instantly. I’m not sure what to do to keep her stimulated at home.
Answer: This is one of those answers that I must preface with the following: The question that you asked leads me to believe that you will hate my answer and will not be able to understand it. I’m gleaning that your attitudes and expectations about raising kids are so dysfunctional that there is something close to a 0% chance that you will want to or even be able to take my advice. But, since you asked, and since other people can read this, I will take the time to give you and others an answer. I’m going to be very blunt.
I think the phrase “struggles with boredom” is one of the worst phrases I’ve ever read. People struggle with cancer. People struggle with the death of a parent. Churchill struggled with Hitler. I’m struggling with this question. People do not “struggle with boredom.”
People are also reading…
Boredom is simply being under-stimulated by the world, as you correctly put it. You were right about that. But being under-stimulated by the world IS A GOOD THING. When people are under-stimulated by the world, they will attempt to change that world to one that is more stimulating. There are literally an infinite number of ways that your daughter, or any kid, could do this. They could:
- Read a book
- Learn something new
- Learn to play an instrument
- Make an art project
- Talk to another person
- Take a walk
- Exercise
- Do a household chore
Kids, when forced to be bored by their parents, will do most or all of these pro-social, positive activities eventually.
Why?
BECAUSE THEY HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO!
Therefore, the opposite of what you think is true: It is not your job to “stimulate” your kid. It is your job to make sure she is bored.
Obviously, when convenient, go do fun stuff with her. Go to the park, go to the beach, go have dinner at a restaurant.
Also, take away her tablet permanently. It is hurting her. Tablets have invasive, addictive properties that are purposely designed to get her addicted to addictive stimuli. They are designed by scientists whose only job is to steal your kid’s focus and make it so that real life becomes as under-stimulating as possible so that your kid will become addicted to the tablet and not addicted to making the world better. Take away the tablet or you will be hurting your daughter.
Not only is boredom a good thing, it may be the best thing. Not only will sufficient boredom drive your kid to be a better, stronger, more interesting person by forcing her to do activities that will turn her into that person, but on a larger scale, it is also probably more responsible for human progress than any other single feeling a person can have. To make the world more stimulating, bored people throughout time have made skyscrapers, music, companies, poetry, roads, movies, cities, submarines, paintings and everything else ever created.
Not bad. Boredom works.
Here’s how I’d get your daughter to be more bored instead of more stimulated, since the former is my job as a parent, and the latter is not:
Kid Whisperer: Oh, boy. I’ve made a huge mistake. I was thinking that it was my job to entertain you. I found out that this is actually your job. Also, I found out that your tablet was a bad form of entertainment, so I sold it. You won’t be able to have another one until you turn 18 and can buy your own. From now on, you will be entertaining yourself. I know that this will be hard at first, but I love you and I know you can do it.
Kid: WHAT?!? How am I going to have any fun?
Kid Whisperer: If you don’t figure it out by tomorrow, I can give you some ideas.
The next day, you can give her ideas 1-8 above, and wish her good luck.
Eventually, and probably sooner than you think, your kid will start making her world more stimulating instead of you trying to make the world more stimulating for her.
