Poundstone ends 2012 with laughs

If the four of them - the kids are 14, 18 and 21 - were like the Robinsons in the old "Lost in Space" TV show floating about in space without society to pressure them, "I have a feeling we would find our own way to walk faster," she says.

"Just a theory," the stand-up comedian explained during a phone call from Los Angeles last week. "Basing a lot of theories on the Robinsons from 'Lost in Space' is not a wise course, but I'm all for it. And I also think if we didn't have gravity, we'd do better. My son gets so agitated and I just think that if you throw stuff in space, it can't really hurt anyone else. I'm guessing that every aspect of lunar life would work for the Poundstones."

She also has a theory or two about New Year's resolutions and the unrealistic optimism we feel with the arrival of a new year - all of which she will likely share when she headlines the Rialto Theatre's New Year's Eve show Monday at Fox Tucson Theatre.

"Sometimes the expectations over New Year's shows are a little high, much as the expectations over New Year's are really high," she explained in a rapid-clip nasal-tinged voice that gets downright wheezy when she is excited.

"The truth is, and I've said this a million times and it's worth repeating, Dec. 31, 2012, is going to feel very much like Jan. 1, 2013. It's a little bit like driving over the Alabama-Georgia border. Although technically there's a change, I wouldn't expect a lot."

She wasn't always this pessimistic about New Year's. When she was a kid wearing onesie PJs and watching Guy Lombardo at the neighbor's house on New Year's Eve, she "felt quite enthusiastic about the fact it was new year."

But that euphoria evaporated as she got older. All her expectations of how spectacular the actual New Year's Eve would be gave way to disappointment.

That feeling of letdown grew when she became an adult and started doing New Year's Eve shows at comedy clubs - until she finally resolved that the last day of the old year was pretty much the same as the first day of the new year.

"Since I've lowered my personal expectations, I enjoy it much more," she says.

As for resolutions, she has some ideas, although she is convinced she won't keep them.

Topping her list: "To remove my emails after I've read them," she says.

"I don't know why I leave them there, but I just do. I don't do anyone any harm, of course, but it's a matter of techno-clutter," she notes.

"I'm not so good at keeping resolutions so I'm at that age of not making resolutions. Well, I will say to exercise on a regular basis … for the purpose of dropping a few pounds. Wait, I'm going to make it more global than that: I need the happy chemical, which you get from exercising on a regular basis. But you also get it from laughter, you get it from connecting with people, you get it from a handshake, you get it from eye contact, you get it from a hug, you get it from trusting someone. And also it's important to hydrate."

So she really just needs to start exercising, she says, sounding a little bit like she's confessing to a therapist.

"I did (exercise) for a while. But the problem is that you exercise and get into this routine, and then you stop and your pounds have gone and gotten their friends. My weight came back with a homing instinct that was stronger than that of the dog in the 'Incredible Journey,' " she says.

"The thing is - and I'm not proud of this, but I'm sharing with you a truth - I've walked behind other women before and stood in judgment. I've said to myself, 'Do they have any idea what the hell is going on back here?' The problem is I can't see my own structure in the mirror in my house. It never occurred to me that it could happen to me. But I have a feeling that something unacceptable is going on."

As for her New Year's Eve show Monday, don't expect any bells and whistles or thoughtful reflection.

"With the exception of my dance routine that I'm opening with and the fireworks that I do, other than that, nothing special," she says. "I will wear a hat with a chin strap. You know the little cone-shaped (hat) with the elastic string. I used to bring my saxophone and play 'Auld Lang Syne,' but the thing is I literally can't get a sound out of my saxophone anymore. And even when I could, I barely got through each note of that song. I don't really play the saxophone."

If you Go

• What: Paula Poundstone in concert.

• When: 8 p.m. Monday.

• Where: Fox Tucson Theatre, 17 W. Congress St.

• Tickets: $29.50 to $69.50, which includes a pre-show dinner and meet and greet with Poundstone.