When you know how to ask yourself the right questions, you immediately become empowered. This is not an easy thing to learn, but it is pretty simple. Here are a few questions to get you started.
Dr. Barton Goldsmith
What did you once like to do?
Revisiting things that you did as a child or as a teenager can help you get inspired, strengthen your brain and even relieve depression and anxiety. If you played a little guitar back in the day, pick it up again. Did you use to like to paint but don’t want to invest in the art supplies you’d need to become the next Rembrandt? Try an adult coloring book. It’s fun and even a little meditative. This is not about getting in touch with your inner child or about achieving greatness but about tuning in to what used to be fun and having fun again. With anything.
What step are you avoiding?
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Any success, even on an interpersonal level, requires taking some risk. If you are avoiding that next step, calling it procrastination is just being self-defeating or even making an excuse for what could be seen as a simple flaw. The truth is that you may be too scared to make a move. That’s only human, but it’s also something you can change. Once you realize what you’re afraid of, you can say, “Damn the torpedoes,” and put yourself out there where you belong. That’s better than never having tried, and once you try, you can do it again.
Where did you go right?
When things haven’t gone the way you planned, it sometimes can be hard to see what you did well in the situation. For example, if your relationship ended, you may only see all the things you did wrong, and while it’s wise to look at those actions, it’s also good not to focus too hard on them. Make yourself see the actions you took that were good for you and the one you loved. This can be tough to do, especially when a loss is new, but it is important to your healing and growth. You will choose more wisely the next time.
What changes should you make?
We all know what we have to do to be healthier (for example, I should be writing this on a treadmill). Figuring out what will make us happier may be more complicated, but there are always steps you can take. It will help if you learn to embrace change. Change is the only constant in the universe, so rather than wait for it to happen to you, be proactive and do what you need to do.
What can you do to help?
Being involved is a great healer for you and for those whose lives you may touch with your time, talent or treasure. Locally or globally, if you lend your influence and energy to things that will improve the well-being of humankind, you will create a brand new stream to your heart. Regardless of how you value yourself, this will make you feel better and increase your sense of self-worth.
Learning to ask yourself real questions is one of the best ways to keep your life on track, your goals in perspective, and your heart from being broken. It’s amazing how things clear up when you get real with yourself.
Dr. Barton Goldsmith, an award-winning Los Angeles-based psychotherapist, writer and keynote speaker, can be reached via e-mail at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com.
