Coming off an uninspiring opening loss to Pittsburgh, the Buffalo Bills quickly pan-seared the Miami Dolphins in the sweltering heat of South Florida on Sunday, and carved up the locals, 35-0.
The Bills' defense only gave up 216 paltry yards, 3.1 per play, and only one TD in two games. After the blowout, the Florida Fish and Game Warden sent notes to the Bills owners, management and coaches, saying, “Cut it out.”
Second year beast-mode pass rusher AJ Epenesa was a swamp creature with nine QB pressures on 34 snaps — an otherworldy percentage considering that many of those snaps were runs. AJ bruised Tua Tagovailoa’s ribs and ego on one bull-rush and knocked him out of the game, which might have been a mercy killing.
Tua’s replacement, Jacoby Brissett, needed Jacoby & Meyers Personal Injury Lawyers soon thereafter and for the remainder of the slaughter.
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Star Lotulelei, in his first game in many sunsets, had four pressures, collapsed the pocket and a few lungs. Mario Addison had at least two hurries that caused panic throws. Ed Oliver was tossing around Dolphins players as if they were salmon at Pike’s Place Fish Market in Seattle. Harrison Phillips might have had a sack and he wasn’t even active; the DL was that dominant.
Greg Rousseau was all over the field in his second pro game. Groot was tremendous at dropping back into coverage on zone blitzes. The first caused a sack by the now-uncovered Micah Hyde, and on the second, Brissett broke the pocket and scrambled but Rousseau read it, charged, and recorded his first pro sack. Groot was equally stout against the run, and sideline-to-sideline pursuit, etc., and quickly becoming a fan favorite.
Taron Johnson and Matt Milano were twin terrors. Johnson stripped Miami receiver Jakeem Grant on the 5-yard-line and Milano recovered. Hazmat Milano was poisonous to Miami blockers, ball-carriers and quarterbacks all day, especially on blitzes. Milano had two tackles for loss, two QB hits, a sack and a fumble recovery.
Identical twin strangers, Micah Hyde and Jordan Poyer, took turns making plays, arguably the best safety duo in the NFL and getting tough to tell them apart.
The game featured singular highlight-reel plays by numerous defenders. Levi Wallace made a tickety-boo brilliant read and interception just after a ticky-tack taunting penalty. Dane Jackson made a series-saving stop on fourth-and-1 with a stop-right-where-you-are tackle. On third-and-long, Justin Zimmer chased down rookie WR speed demon Julian Waddle from behind to cause a fourth-and-2 that the Bills quickly stopped and took possession.
Leslie Frazier relentlessly dialed up blitzes from 1 to 4 p.m. EST, something the Bills rarely do. The giddy team defense aggressively responded, and the Dolphins were schooled and smothered. On the first drive alone, Frazier called two backfield blitzes and both were sacks, by Johnson and Hyde, respectively. The Wallace INT also came on a corner blitz.
On offense, the Bills seemed to hardly break a sweat in the suffocating humidity, scored 35 points and left Bills Mafia thinking they are not playing all that well. Zack Moss lost an early fumble but redeemed himself by bulldozing Dolphins the rest of the day. Miami LB Jerome Baker got Mossed at the 1-yard-line for a short-yardage Bills score.
Devin Singletary had his second good game as the offensive line opened a massive hole on the 46-yard TD scamper on the Bills' second play. But key blocks were also made by Stefon Diggs, Dawson Knox and Emmanuel Sanders for a total team touchdown.
Diggs fell and played possum long enough to elude star cornerback Xavien Howard and catch a cross-the-body razor from Josh Allen for a score. Knox made a nifty sliding catch on a clever Allen toss to the corner of the end zone for another six.
Allen will be fine. He made more exceptional throws (five) than awfully bad ones (four). The team was in control the entire game, he threw two great touchdowns, and all but ran one in on a trademark Allen scramble called back at the 6-inch line. The team cashed in four red zone TDs. The lone INT was low and not a good pass, but more of a great catch off a fluke deflection by an All Pro in Howard.
No need to worry about Allen yet, let alone panic, which Bills fans are wont to do.
Rarely has a five-touchdown shutout and shellacking seemed so casual and leave us fans wanting. But the Bills Mafia took over the Fort Lauderdale Elbo Bar before the kickoff, Hard Rock Stadium all afternoon, and the team has totally taken over the Bills-Dolphins series since Allen entered the league.
Next up, the Washington No Names come to Highmark Stadium, with another backup quarterback, Taylor Heinicke, trying to make a name for himself.
Heinicke is likely to get harpooned on a fishing expedition like the last one who tried.
Pete Rosen is a screenwriter in Los Angeles, lifetime Buffalo fan, and may be found blathering daily at twobillsdrive.com.
