In our everyday interactions, we all hit relationship speed bumps — the kind that slow us down, jostle us a bit, but also teach us something about life and love.
Dr. Barton Goldsmith
Here's how to avoid the worst of them:
1. Don't try to always get your way
If you give in on the small things, you're more likely to get the big ones. Sometimes people just need to feel they're right, and it may be wiser to let them have that than to win the point. If it's no big deal, let it go.
2. Lend a hand
One of the best ways to help someone who's overwhelmed is to offer assistance before they ask for it. It's hard to be cordial when you're stressed, and your loved one may not be able to hide how they're feeling.
3. Learn to compromise
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They should insert the word "compromise" into marriage vows. Being willing and able to do it is what keeps you connected.
4. Commit a random act of kindness
It doesn't have to be big, just heartfelt — think of it as a deposit in your emotional bank account. Your loved ones will notice the effort, even if they don't say so right away.
5. Don't yell
A couple of decades ago, I got into an argument and yelled loudly enough to rattle the dual-pane windows. That was a strong enough sign that I was over the top. I made the correction, and I haven't yelled since.
6. Once you recognize a flaw, fix it
When you see something is wrong, do what you can to correct it. If you need help, get it — don't let unhealed wounds grind down your relationships.
7. Cheer them up
If a loved one is feeling down, there's no reason to let them stay stuck. A quick conversation or a hug does more work than people expect.
8. Go with the flow
If you'd planned on dinner or a movie and your partner wants to stay in, let it go and stay in. There will be other nights.
9. Don't get upset over minor infractions
If something small bothers you — such as someone taking your parking spot, that sort of thing — say so plainly: "This time it's fine, but next time, could you park somewhere else?" Said that way, it rarely turns into a fight.
10. Say 'I love you' more often than not
Hearing it can be the difference between a good day and a bad one, especially when someone's a little off.
Getting along with the people you love is usually easy. It's the bumps that take practice.
Dr. Barton Goldsmith, an award-winning Los Angeles-based psychotherapist, writer and keynote speaker, can be reached via e-mail at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com.
