● Carolyn:
I am the "ugly friend." I have this great friend whom I go out with all of the time, and whenever we go out, men inevitably hit on her. I'm not hideous by any means, but in comparison to her, no one would give me a second look.
I know that I need to be comfortable with myself, but it gets frustrating. A few weeks ago, I thought this guy was really cute and was thinking about asking him out, and when he came over to talk to us, she was her normal chatty fun self, so, of course, he asked her for her phone number.
— Va.
So. Your beautiful normal chatty fun friend is single?
Is, was, either way — it's all the information you need to remind yourself that it's a lot more complicated than pretty faces and "ugly" friends. Yes, in a quick-to-meet-you environment, certain people will always stand out.
People are also reading…
But standing out produces exactly what you describe, and not any more: an introduction.
And since the only qualities involved here are his boldness and her looks, I don't think you can even say these approaches significantly improve your friend's chances of finding happiness over yours.
It's hard on the ego, yes. It's also not about ego. Even if you're one to gag at "the one," you still have to know that a good mate is a rare alignment of complex, subsurface traits.
Try scanning another reminder: real couples. Pull up a chair, look around at the paired-off people, and ask yourself how many would satisfy one person's notion of hot.