The more UA tennis star Jay Friend succeeded, the more he believed in himself | Michael Lev

It’s essential for success in sports. But how do you succeed if you don’t have it in the first place?

For Jay Friend, the Arizona senior standout who’s ranked No. 4 in all of men’s college tennis, building confidence has been a process. He didn’t always have it.

As recently as last year, Friend wasn’t sure he had the stuff to develop into the elite player he has become — even though there was plenty of evidence to suggest he was well on his way.

“The confidence pretty much only came to me (last) summer,” said Friend, who will lead the Wildcats against NAU in the first round of the NCAA Tournament on Friday afternoon at the Lanelle Robson Tennis Center.

“I’ve never been a confident person when it comes to my tennis, just because I was never really good when I was a junior. There was always a lot of people better than me. I never won tournaments.”

Friend is exaggerating slightly; he has nine ITF junior titles on his résumé — three in singles, six in doubles. Seven came in 2021, shortly before he arrived at Arizona, so if you want to label Friend a late bloomer, that would be fair.

Friend has been a significant contributor for the Wildcats since his freshman season, ascending to the No. 1 singles position, earning first-team All-American honors last year and the co-Big 12 Player of the Year award this year. His breakthrough — the event that turbo-charged his confidence — came in July 2025.

Friend represented his native Japan at the FISU World University Games in Essen, Germany. He won the men’s singles title and the mixed-doubles title. Friend became the first Japanese player to win the men’s singles crown since 1967.

“It was unreal,” Friend said. “It was one of the best experiences of my life, just to be around all these players from different countries, especially my country. And to be able to play at that level and win the tournament was just a dream.”

Friend wasn’t done. In late September, he became the first Arizona player to win the ITA All-American Championships. Not even his best friend, former roommate and current pro Colton Smith pulled that off.

But wait. There’s more.

In October, Friend won the ATP Challenger event in Fairfield, California. (College players are allowed to play in professional events while retaining their eligibility.)

It was Friend’s fourth appearance in an ATP Challenger tournament. In the first two, he lost his first match. In the third, he reached the quarterfinals. In Fairfield, he won seven matches in a row, including a pair of qualifiers.

“It's tough to build confidence,” said Friend, who will take a 23-4 singles record into Friday’s dual match. “But definitely this year, with the strides in my game, I'm just so comfortable. ... I don't feel like I have a hole.”

‘The right headspace’

That doesn’t mean any of it was easy.

Even with those World University Games gold medals in his possession, Friend had to overcome uncertainty at the ITA All-American Championships.

The Intercollegiate Tennis Association followed Friend for a documentary on his experience in the tournament in Tulsa, Oklahoma. At one point, Friend said he just wanted to avoid losing in the first round. He also wasn’t sure if he wanted to participate in the documentary, he told me, “because I didn’t want that additional pressure.”

“I think it was one of the first times where he felt the big target on his back,” said UA coach Clancy Shields, who accompanied and coached Friend in Tulsa. “I always know this with him: We just try to get him into the tournament. In any tournament he's in, the first round or two is so hard. Once he gets settled in, then (his) mind stops bouncing off the walls and he gets dialed in on what he's doing.

“Those first few days ... we were grinding mentally. We were wrestling mentally with a lot of things, because he just wasn't in the right headspace.

“That's my job, to get him in the right headspace. And then once he's there, man, he took off.”

That description jibes with Shields’ initial assessment of Friend when he was recruiting him from afar. (Shields never saw Friend play in person before he came here.)

Shields saw an explosive, dynamic athlete whose mental game hadn’t caught up to his physical gifts.

“He's emotional, he's up and down,” Shields recalled thinking. “He'll win five games in a row. He'll lose seven in a row.”

Shields believed he and his staff could help Friend improve in that area. His raw talent was something that couldn’t be coached.

Friend had tennis in his blood. His mother, Hiroko Hara, was a prominent juniors player in Japan. She achieved a world ranking of 319 in 1994.

Hara was Friend’s first coach, and she was hard on him.

“On the court it used to be very emotional, especially when I was (in the) 12-14 range,” Friend said. “We always used to get into arguments. She used to get emotional because she just thought that I wasn't good. She actually told me that straight up.”

Was that difficult to hear?

“No, because she's super direct and I've been hearing it all my life,” Friend said. “She's very to the point. And honestly, that's what I like. That's some of the traits that I find in Clancy, too. It's something that I need (in) a coach. I don't need them to tell me how good I am. Just tell me how it really is.”

Shields believes Friend inherited the best traits from his mom and dad, Kerry Friend, who’s from New Zealand.

“If you've ever been to Japan, or you've been around Japanese players, they have a great work ethic,” Shields said. “They're very humble, they're very coachable, they're very respectful. That's a big part of who he is. And then he's got the New Zealand in him, the authenticity.”

Friend’s personality might be his greatest asset in a team-tennis setting.

Friend to all

Perhaps Friend gets along so well with others because he’s lived all over the world and has had to adapt to new situations multiple times. He was born in Tokyo and has lived in Japan, New Zealand, Singapore, Australia, Spain and the Netherlands, where his mother now resides.

Or perhaps that’s just how Friend is. A good teammate. A good, well, friend.

“Honestly, I think that’s the best part of who Jay is,” Shields said. “He just has a way of making people feel good when they’re around him. Everyone in our locker room loves him because he meets people where they are.

“If a guy likes fishing, Jay’s all in. Video games, Monopoly, Pokémon cards, comedy shows, country music, movies, studying at the library, hiking, cooking, yoga — whatever it is, he’ll jump right into it and make it fun.

“Trust me, he doesn’t like all of those things. But if a teammate is doing it, he’ll be there. He’s just genuinely himself all the time, and people respect that.”

Friend’s relationship with Colton Smith is a prime example. “We're polar opposites,” Friend said, “but best friends at the same time.”

Smith is from a tiny town in Washington. He loves to hunt and fish.

Friend is a world traveler. If he isn’t playing tennis, he’d just as soon spend his time indoors.

“He cooks and I wash the dishes,” Friend said. “Our interests are completely different, but it just works.”

Tennis, of course, is a common bond. Smith preceded Friend at Arizona by a year and quickly became Friend’s “big brother” — someone to not only emulate but chase.

“I just wanted to improve so bad so I could, at first, give him a good practice,” Friend said. “But then it got to, ‘I want to beat this guy in practice.’ ”

Shields believes that being around strong players elevated Friend’s game — and his belief in himself. When Smith — perhaps the greatest player in UA history — would leave the team to play in professional events last season, Friend would step into his No. 1 singles slot. He went 10-0 on court No. 1 and 34-5 overall.

Smith is a full-time pro now, ranked 190th in the world, and Friend plans to join him after this season ends. For a long while, Friend didn’t think that was possible. But the wins kept piling up. And, slowly but surely, his confidence swelled.

“I tease him about this,” Shields said. “He spoke about it at the senior banquet (Monday) night, about how he never believed he could play professional tennis. I was always like, ‘No, dude, you've got the game, you've got the stuff.’ Now he totally believes that.”