There are certain moments in life worth capturing on film.
Hence the reason comic ventriloquist Jeff Dunham videotaped his show at Tucson Arena Sunday afternoon.
It wasn't for his upcoming NBC comedy special or even YouTube highlights; he wanted to preserve a moment for posterity — or until his 5-month-old twin boys become snarky teens.
During his 45-minute standup set before introducing his unruly cast of puppet misfits and malcontents, Dunham recounted his journey to Fatherhood, Take 2. He has three grown daughters from his first wife and in October he and his second wife Audrey welcomed twin sons Jack and Jeffrey.
Dunham recounted the pregnancy — the shocking moment he learned he was having twins ("F---!"), his wife turning up the air in their Las Vegas home to 38 degrees during the summer ("This is bull(expletive)! I'm going to lay on the sidewalk to warm up.") and juggling two babies ("If you're going to have twins, get help. If you are going to have triplets, send the runt of the litter (to a relative); they'll meet later. Just kidding, but not.").
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But the video clip he wants his boys to pay special attention came during a particularly graphic recounting of changing poopy diapers. With boys, there's a lot more parts to clean than with girls. Plan on 20, 30 wipes and possibly a shower for yourself when it's done.
When his sons get to that glorious teen stage and start talking back and disrespecting their parents, Dunham plans to pull out this clip and give them the what's what when it comes to respecting Mom and Dad:
"No. 1, I'm your father and No. 2, I cleaned (poop) off your (testicles)," said the 53-year-old, prompting a roar from the audience. "Plus I know how old I am and pretty soon you're going to be cleaning (poop) off my (testicles)."
Dunham, who has been a regular to Tucson stages throughout his 30-plus-year career, also tested out new material Sunday — much of it unrehearsed and spontaneous — that might make it into his upcoming NBC special, set to air in early fall. Among the highlights:
• Flying Peanut: Dunham accidentally tossed Peanut the Purple Wozzle across the stage.
"What the (expletive) happened?" Peanut screamed as Dunham tried to apologize. "Not funny! I hate you."
• The miner in the front row: Peanut famously pokes fun at fans in the front row. On Sunday, he tapped Chad, a copper miner from Sahuarita, and Peanut had ... nothing.
"We get jobs for every profession — firefighter, police officer, lawyer — but the dude working at the copper mine? Nothing in our arsenal," he told Chad, before asking him to explain exactly what he did at the mine.
And don't tell me you mine at the mine, "or I will kick your (expletive)," Peanut threatened.
"How will you get down there?" Dunham asked him.
"Throw me. You did it before," he said.
• Bubba J for president: The southern bumpkin whose favorite pastime is drinking beer and watching Nascar is running for president.
"From what I can see you really don't have to do anything and they put you up in public housing," he said.
His stance on the immigration issue: "I would let more refugees in the country. We Americans drink so much we need more Uber drivers," he reasoned.
What does he think about Syria? "I don't have an iPhone."
"I'm talking about Syrians, not Siri," Dunham explained.
"Oh, I thought Syrians were people abandoning their iPhones."
• Curmudgeony Walter on Donald Trump: "You can vote with him if you want, but José Jalapeño on a Stick would be out of the show. You'd have to settle for an American Pickle on a Pole."
• Achmed the Dead Terrorist and Dunham on the joys of fatherhood:
Achmed: "I really love my kids, when they said their first 'I kill you!'"
Dunham: "My kids' favorite game was 'Got your nose.' Did you ever play that?"
Achmed: One day I will kill you. Not right now, infidel, (but) I will find you."
