Dr. Barton Goldsmith: Grandchildren

It has been said that “children of my children are twice my children.” Grandchildren have a remarkably positive effect on most people. I have several clients with new grandbabies, and I get to see a lot of pictures. People just can’t help themselves when they get this new love in their lives.

The love that comes from grandparents is unconditional and precious. Perhaps it’s an understanding that comes with age that gives grandparents the ability to love from the very core of their hearts this tiny being who will be there for the rest of their own lives. It makes sense that grandparents may spoil the kids a little, because they know that this time won’t last forever.

The relationship between grandparent and child is magical. It is as though each senses the other’s emotional needs and, without really thinking about it, mutually meets them. This sense of connection is a very powerful healer and life enhancer.

Most of my grandparents were gone by the time I was old enough to know them. Only my mother’s father was alive. He didn’t speak English well, being from Sweden, but he played a mean concertina (mini accordion), and he liked to fix clocks — one of which I still have, and it still works. I was too young to notice his limitations. I simply enjoyed him playing music and trying to talk with me. Very few words, but I remember his eyes and that he was a kind man. At least I had that, and it did make a difference.

These days, we are seeing more grandparents taking on a full-time parenting role because their kids can’t take care of their own babies, for one reason or another. Luckily many older people who are in good health can take on this role and responsibility, because every child deserves to be part of a loving family.

Of course, some older people miss out on having youngsters around. It was my mentor, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who first had the idea to bring infants and toddlers to retirement homes to help the aging reconnect with life. Now there are homes that care for both children and elderly residents, and it is a wonderful energy exchange. This is quickly becoming a standard of care that has broad positive effects on all who participate.

If you are getting on in years and have no grandchildren of your own, there are plenty of safe places to interact with children. You may be able to volunteer at a local school or library. You can start with your community center or call the social services department of your county. Programs are popping up all over the place. And you can always start your own. Kids and older folks, related or not, need each other.