If you are in love, you may want to prepare yourself for the hard truth: At some point, the honeymoon will be over. Passionate love usually does not last forever. But a good relationship can; the problem is that people often do not do the work necessary to keep their intimate relationships thriving.
Dr. Barton Goldsmith
You cannot try to kill a relationship and then expect it to live on. Love is not a cockroach; it cannot survive toxic energy. A relationship will last forever if you treat it tenderly, but if you try to step on it (or your partner), you will find that most of the time the person being pushed away will eventually disappear, because they just can’t take the abuse. No one can.
Treating a relationship with respect and your partner with admiration will strengthen your relationship and make both of you feel secure in this very insecure world we live in. On the other hand, if you disrespect your partner and are unable to cherish them, then the kindest thing you can do may be to leave. Of course, you should try counseling first, but if you can’t keep yourself from projecting your resentments at life onto your partner, then something has to change.
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Problems begin when we forget the true meaning of having a partner and get too wrapped up in ourselves. Unfortunately, when that happens, we become a very small package with little to give to others.
It’s wise to remember that finding a loving partner is not all that easy. When you have a good relationship, you need to cherish and nurture it. To be alone in the world is not easy either. If you’re not getting what you need from your relationship, you can make the choice to work on that relationship to make things better. Your partner and family will benefit from your positive emotional energy.
I have seen couples break up because they felt that the relationship was too much effort. If you cannot dedicate 10% of your time to helping things stay on a positive track, then you may not have what it takes to be in a good relationship.
A relationship in which you respect each other gives you a great deal of personal power. Having someone in your corner can give you the strength to climb Everest, write the Great American Novel or just simply enjoy your time here on Earth.
One of the great things about love is that you will generally get more than you give, if you give freely. Knowing that your love is a constant in your universe can give you the strength to deal with life’s curveballs and upsets. And it is truly that simple.
Couples who are in good relationships will all tell you that it works because they make it work. That takes a little time, a lot of understanding, and a willingness to make your life and love the best it can be.
Dr. Barton Goldsmith, an award-winning Los Angeles-based psychotherapist, writer and keynote speaker, can be reached via e-mail at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com.
