● DEAR ABBY: Ten years ago when I was in college, I worked briefly as a topless dancer to pay my rent. I'm not proud of it, and I try to forget it ever happened.
I'm now married and have young children. My husband knows about my past and doesn't judge me. Nothing has been said to our children or other family members.
I have a friend from college, "Nancy," with whom I get together once or twice a year. We recently had her over. Out of the blue, she looked at my 2-year-old daughter and said, "Did you know your mommy used to be a stripper?" Nancy is the last person I would have expected to say something like that. It wasn't meant maliciously, but I don't know why she said it.
When I told my husband about it, he was very upset. He said I need to address this with her before we get together again. I couldn't believe she said it in the first place, but I can't believe she'll do it again. What do I do? — Stripped of My Pride
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DEAR STRIPPED: I believe your friend will do it again. Nancy appears to be a person who lacks good judgment or is simply unaware of how embarrassed you are by this part of your past.
Explain to Nancy that you are not proud of what you did, and ask her not to bring it up again, especially in front of your children. If she won't comply, then it may be time to end the friendship.
● DEAR ABBY: My brother and his fiancée are being married this year, and I couldn't be happier for them. My problem is they want me to be part of the wedding party, but I just don't happen to be the "bridesmaid" type. I haven't worn a dress since I was a toddler and really don't feel comfortable in one.
The rest of our family expects me to be in the wedding, and I don't want to hurt my brother's or the bride-to-be's feelings. Is there any way I can let them down gently? — Never the Bridesmaid
DEAR NEVER: You should definitely be a part of your brother's wedding. The role you play doesn't have to be a bridesmaid. Ask your brother and his fiancée if you could do something that doesn't require that you wear a dress. Perhaps you could do a reading instead. I'm sure you can work something out so everyone will be happy on their perfect day.