JT & Dale Talk Jobs: 'I'm afraid to go to HR'

J.T.: I agree that going to HR could result in straining your relationship with your boss and potentially being let go. At the same time, it sounds like things aren’t going to get better, and you don’t want to be associated with a failing department. I’m wondering if you might befriend the head of a different department that you might be able to talk to about what’s happening and see if they guide you on how to coach your boss. This is called managing up. By confiding in a manager that is a peer to your boss, they could give you the information you need, but they might also be the person that could look into this on your behalf. If this is uncomfortable to you, then honestly, the alternative is to start to look for a new job.

DALE: Managing up is a useful skill, but this sounds like a woebegone situation that could pull down your spirits and your career. So, if you have relationships with other executives in the company, use them to try to switch departments. Sure, also try to send an SOS on your boss’s behalf, but there’s a massive opportunity cost that you’re paying — you could be working for great bosses, ones who will pull you up, challenge you, expand your skills and your future.

Dear J.T. & Dale: My friend just got laid off, and she saw that there is a job similar to what she did at her old company at my company. She wants me to recommend her. However, when at this other company, she would always tell me about how much goofing off she did and how she was sliding by. That doesn’t make me very excited about recommending her. At the same time, we’re super close and see each other every day, so I’m afraid if I don’t recommend her, she’s going to find out. What should I do? — May

J.T.: You should be honest with her about the expectations of your company. You might want to tell her that given how she’s explained her previous job, she probably wouldn’t enjoy this one because they require you to do a lot of work and have an extreme amount of accountability. That’s the polite way of saying it doesn’t sound like she’s a fit. But, if she still insists that she can do the job, then I would go ahead and submit her credentials, but you don’t have to give her a glowing recommendation. You can simply say this is somebody I’ve known for a really long time, and she saw the job and was interested, so I thought I’d pass the information along. If they ask what you think of her, you can say well, I’ve known her for a long time, but I’ve never worked with her directly. That way, you don’t have to lie, but you also don’t have to throw her under the bus.