The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer:
I’d rather have a dull public servant for governor than a news anchor. Truth be told, I’d rather have a comedian for governor than a news anchor. All news anchors eventually take themselves seriously. Some actually believe they are more than an arched eyebrow that can read a crawl under a studio camera. Media creatures who take themselves seriously are terrifying.
Donald Trump, for example, the master of the cruel schoolyard zinger that only makes his base guffaw, is incapable of targeting himself with self-deprecating humor.
Kari Lake, Trump’s opener for his headliners in Arizona, a former Fox news anchor sentenced to the Phoenix market for life is equally handicapped. She claims she’ll rid Arizona of the Marxists, RINOS, baby butchers, genital mutilators, groomers, haters and open border fentanyl gobblers who are trying to destroy it because God and Martin Luther King are on her side with a straight face. Seriously? No rimshot? No “I kid!”?
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This is why I prefer comedians. The best comedians do not take themselves seriously.
Take funny man President Ronald Reagan, who artfully used this deprecating one-liner to defuse the age-issue that now plagues President Joe Biden: ”I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent’s youth and inexperience.” The pre-emptive joke, acknowledging the elephant in the room, pre-empts the predictable criticism with wit.
President Bill Clinton was the first to add a full-time joke writer, Mark Katz, to his White House speech writing staff. The ability to zing yourself makes you appear likable and trustworthy. The inability to zing yourself is a worrisome handicap. Hitler, Mussolini and Trump’s ability to roast and ridicule scapegoats and critics made them likable only to their bases.
Before becoming the President of Ukraine Volodymyr Oleksandrovych Zelenskyy created the satirical “Servant of the People” in which he became the president of Ukraine. I watched all four funny, brilliant seasons. It was popular in Russia. Zelenskyy was a big star. And then Putin started heckling Zelenskyy, lobbing missiles at him from out of the darkness. Note to humorless Vladimir, comedians love tangling with hecklers at the back of the room. And humiliating them.
Jon Stewart, please run for the White House. Trevor Noah? Secretary General of the U.N. Gates should buy FOX and give it to John Oliver. Samantha Bee and Amber Ruffin should be in the Senate.
Trump the reality TV star will never be a headliner. He practices the low humor of the sputtering, loud-mouthed, professional wrestler. I prefer comedians to news anchors or reality TV stars from the era of “Desperate Housewives.”
Take note, Katie Hobbs. Kari’s slick and you’re not. Kari Lake is the polished Joan Rivers of Trump Arizona. You need to acknowledge it and use it like it’s open-mic night at Tempe’s Giggle Town. Katie, address it all with humor. I wrote you some one-liners. No one will know I wrote them. The voters will think you’re hilarious. Or not.
“Hi, I’m Katie Hobbs. This audience doesn’t scare me. I survived the election of 2020.”
“Some say I’m a dull public servant. Know what I say? That’s redundant.”
“I am proud to serve the people. Proud to be your Harry Truman in a sun dress! Which, by coincidence, was the name of a drag queen at Kari’s last party.”
“Why didn’t I debate Kari? Simple. I’m the mother of two kids. Never give a brat a stage to throw a tantrum, right?”
“The big lie’s dangerous. My family was threatened. We had to get our house sprayed for cyber ninjas.”
“I admit she looks good. Kari’s a master of studio makeup. Who would guess that underneath that Malibu Barbie veneer, it’s just Alex Jones in drag?!”
“I don’t have the hours of makeup time Lake apparently has. I have work to do.”
“Kari tells us if she wins it will be in spite of my attempt to rig the system. If she loses, it’s because I rigged the system. Reminds me of the street scam by the con man with a pocket full of coins with ‘tails’ printed on both sides. ‘Tails’ she wins. ‘Tails’ you lose. Nice con, Kari.”
“If Lake wins, every TV news anchor, sports reporter and weather wizard with an ego will be on our ballot come the next hand-wringing election.”
“What qualifies you, local weather guy, to run for governor?
‘I can tell which way the wind is blowing in Arizona.‘“
“‘Do you know how to run a state?’
‘No. But a storm’s heading our way.’”
“Can you laugh at yourself? I can. I’m Katie Hobbs and I love America. America has five great lakes. Kari Lake is not one of them. That’s my time. Tip your wait staff. Drive carefully.”
